Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic 
bag the mouse was packaged in.

Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.
A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies
of the floppies.

Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax 
anything. After 40 minutes of failed problem solving it was discovered 
the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the 
monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents.  He
told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer". 
The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer –
but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her
new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged
in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power 
button.  Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and 
nothing happens."   The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

True story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty 
period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did
you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had
to mute the caller, because he was laughing too hard. The caller
had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder.

Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for
Support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the
second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to
put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in."  The user hadn't 
realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk “1” first.

 The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to,
after the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more
money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick
and  a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the
service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of
something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters,
we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as
we  expected, and we need $4,000 more.
Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star-spangled
Banner."  And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To
                   get some  humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk.

 'THE END IS NEAR!
 Turn yourself around now and be saved before it's too late!'

 'Leave us alone you religious nuts!' yelled a driver as he sped by.. 

 From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

 The pastor turns to the priest and asks, 'Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?

There was a feud between the Pastor and the Choir Director of The 
Hicksville Southern Baptist Church. 
It seems the first hint of trouble came when the Pastor preached on 
"dedicating yourselves to service" and the Choir Director chose to sing: 
"I Shall Not Be Moved" 
Trying to believe it was a coincidence, the Pastor put the incident 
behind him. The next Sunday he preached on "giving". Afterwards, the 
choir squirmed as the director led them in the hymn: "Jesus Paid It All" 
By this time, the Pastor was losing his temper. Sunday morning 
attendance swelled as the tension between the two built. A large crowd 
showed up the next week to hear his sermon on "the sin of gossiping". 
Would you believe the Choir Director selected: 
"I Love To Tell The Story" 
There was no turning back. The following Sunday the Pastor told the 
congregation that unless something changed he was considering 
resignation. The entire church gasped when the Choir Director led them 
"Why Not Tonight." 
Truthfully, no one was surprised when the Pastor resigned a week later; 
explaining that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was leading him away. 
The Choir Director could not resist: "What A Friend We Have In Jesus." 
(Copied from an e-mail received) - (Author Unknown)

   1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.

   2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

   3. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat.
   He e-mails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"

   4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.

   5. You email several times a day with a stranger from South Africa,
but you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor this year.

   6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup
      to see if it contains Echinacea.

   7. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your
      newborn so she can create a screen saver.

   8. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to
      see if anyone  is home.

   9. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the
bottom of the screen.

   10. You buy a computer and 6 months later it is out of date and now
sells for half the price you paid.

   11. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have
the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is cause for panic, and you turn
around to go get it.

   12. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase
would be a hassle and take planning.

   13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out
of the back seat of your car.

   14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do
not have e-mail addresses.

   15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.

   16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.

   17. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.

   18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.

19. You get an extra phone line (or a ADSL/cable modem)so you can get
phone calls.

   20. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as
if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

   21. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

   22. You wake up at 2 am to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail
on your way back to bed.

   23. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

   24. You are reading this.

   25. Even worse, you're going to forward it to someone else by e-mail!

(Copied from e-mail - Author unknown)

 An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that

her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her

situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the

steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she

cried.  The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.