YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING 'MARVELOUSLY MATURE' WHEN.............

1.  You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2.  You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and
     discover you aren't wearing any.
3.  At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and
     you're not eating cereal.
4.  Your back goes out but you stay home.
5.  When you wake up looking like your driver's license
     picture.
6.  It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7.  When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8.  When happy hour is a nap.
9.  When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before
     your money does..
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said
      to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded
      of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to
      make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the
      sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were
      on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just
      don't  care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts
      falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't
      even remember being on top of it.